27th September 2014
Sea Day – and no one’s died yet
The staff are amazed that after nearly five weeks of cruising and to date no one has left to roam pastures new in the afterlife. They say that on a cruise this long there is normally at least one passenger who will check out prematurely and permanently.
We’re all eyeing each other in a new light, trying to work out who it’s going to be with just 6 days left?
As usual the crew have opened a book, not on who, but how!
Apparently you can get really good odds on
‘An unnaturally horrific end in the laundry’ @ 15/1
but the smart money is on
‘Over exertion in the gym’ @ 8/1
The gym was unsurprisingly empty this morning and I intend to reconsider my exercise regime.
‘Frying to death on the lido deck’ is @ 500/1
which is not surprising considering the awful weather, however this means that
‘Freezing to death on the lido deck’ is @ 150/1
There are good odds on
‘Being bored to death at dinner’ @ 100/1
with a slightly better price specifically for table 114 where one couple have recently been voted ‘Most Uninteresting Companions Ever’ following their full and frank rendition of ‘Around the world by steam train’ followed closely by ‘Railway carriages I have known’.
Coming in at the top of the list are
‘A fatal seizure brought on after being startled by a photography flash’ @ 3/1
‘Suffering a cardiac arrest after discovering a real bargain in the shops’ @ 2/1
The medical department have been excluded from taking part as it is believed they have certain inside information and it is considered they may try to make a last minute killing (but not literally) by unfairly driving up the odds on ‘by natural causes’.
Historically passengers were allowed to place proxy bets through a member of the crew but following a spate of highly unusual and unexplained deaths on a previous cruise, this privilege has now been withdrawn.