Category Archives: Comedy

Deep tan…crisp and even :)

P103071422nd September 2015
Sea Day

Fifty Shades of Red
Well we’re heading south for the rest of this trip so the weather will improve and the sun should make a bit more of an effort to join us….we hope.
And as if by magic we meander out on deck to be greeted by a crisp cool morning….with a clear blue sky and sunshine.
It’s only 8am and there has already been a scramble for the sun loungers.
I know I’ve said it before, but it still amazes me that despite so many health warnings about over exposing our skin to the harmful UV rays of the sun there are still many who never seem happy unless they are excessively tanned (leave the room if you had improper thoughts then) Don’t get me wrong, I too love to expose my pasty body to the warmth of the sun (sorry) but I prefer to sit in the shade more often than not.
By lunchtime I think a fair few had underestimated the power of our great yellow sky companion, with several turning some interesting shades of angry pink.

Here comes the sun,
You folks must run
To grab a spot to lie.
Unbutton shirt,
Hitch up that skirt,
Before it passes by.

But stay it may
For just this day,
So get it while you can.
Don’t whinge “It’s sore,”
Grit teeth much more
Stand up and be a man.

Forget the creams
Their blocking means
Delaying darker skin.
Avoid the shades,
In many ways
They stop the ray’s way in.
For panda eyes
Are no disguise,
You need an even spread.
Just like a spit
Rotate a bit
To brown from toe to head.

Now stay all day,
Not shift or sway.
Raise arms above your head,
Red bingo wings
And other things
Will burn tonight in bed.

But that’s the plan,
You have to tan
To prove a time well spent.
If pale you stay
While you’re away
Then no one knows you went.

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Some kind of silliness

cover monkey - Copy2You must remember this,

A kiss is just a kiss,

But sex is a completely different ball game….

In – Out – Shake it all about

The Hokey Cokey……….what’s that all about?

Recipe for a (seemingly) longer life

download

They say that time flies when you’re having fun……so may I suggest, stop having fun and live longer.

Shameless Plug

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I’ve uploaded the first few chapters of my book ‘The Other Side of Me’ to Authonomy.com please drop by if you have a few minutes to spare 🙂

https://www.authonomy.com/book/293091/

Go on…..you know you want to!

The Other Side of Me

10.15 pm – Even though it was quite late by the time Freddie got back to the Dog he was hoping his friend would still be there waiting for him.
“She’s not been in at all tonight Freddie.” John picked a clean glass off the rack. “Stopping for a drink?”
“No thanks, bit strapped for cash tonight.”
“Is everything alright Freddie?” John sounded genuinely concerned.
“I think so. Things are just mixed up in my head at the moment, that’s all.”
As Freddie turned to leave John called him back.
“Isn’t it strange,” he said, “That when you get up in the morning some things seem very simple, but as soon as you get into bed they become so complicated it ruins the rest of your day.” He put a pint of bitter down on the counter. “There’s a lesson there for everyone I think, and this one’s on the house.”

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Now available as a paperback or for Kindle at Amazon

 

 

 

Oh the Joys………

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Their bedroom had finally become a battlefield, it was literally ‘load up and charge’ but in the heat of this conflict Freddie was out of ammunition and the ensuing fight had dared to question the ownership and quality of the gun.

Improve your chances……………..

cover draft6“We’ve been following all the usual tried and tested advice given by the ‘how to get pregnant’ experts and magazine gurus and she’s always keen to try all the different ideas she’s read about.”
“Lisa reads a lot by the sound of it.”
“To be fair doc it’s her job, as is putting me through the torture of cold baths, loose underwear and high fibre diets. Three items that definitely never made it onto Julie Andrews list of favourite things. But then neither did men, sex or chocolate so go figure.”

 

Now available for Kindle from Amazon

Snippet from The Other Side of Me

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The truth was this was a ‘want it all now’ generation and relationships were as disposable as the latest video game. As soon as something better and faster with more features became available the boys just had to have it, and once the quest for the hidden treasure was completed they usually lost interest.

 

Now available for Kindle from Amazon……..

The Other Side of Me

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After two long years, lots of coffee and many late nights I’m delighted to announce the launch of my first book ‘The Other Side of Me’ which is now available for Kindle at http://www.amazon.com where there’s a sample to view.

It’s a romantic comedy which follows the ups and occasionally feisty downs of Freddie and Lisa, who are hoping to start a family, but for one of them things aren’t happening fast enough. Could there be a problem?

Paperback coming soon 🙂

Thanks for looking..

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