Antigua…Nelson wuz ‘ere!
17th November 2014
Antigua..please don’t cough my way
Home to the Copper and Lumber Inn at Nelsons Dockyard……where many a fantastic lobster lunch and rum punch has been enjoyed.
But first I’m going to start today’s post with a bit of a rant, sorry, but this just has to be said.
We’d originally booked to go on a six hour catamaran sail around the island, an exclusive trip for the sole use of the passengers of this large tin box we’ve been floating around in for the past two weeks. But as we gathered in the theatre it was starting to become obvious that not all of the attending were in the rudest of health…
There was a fair amount of coughing and sneezing going on and two or three of the crowd were exploding without the aid of a hankie or even a raised hand to catch the projectile germs. We even overheard one lady describing her extensive overnight relationship with the toilet in her cabin….BOTH ENDS….delightful.
Ah well, we thought, maybe we’ll be able to find a quiet corner on the Cat to escape these diseased few. But by the time we’d made it down to the jetty it was even more obvious that ‘the healthy’ among us were in the minority. Now to be honest the thought of being cooped up for six hours with these purveyors of infection was not very inspiring, so we abandoned ship (so to say) before even getting on.
Now here’s my point. We all know how germs are spread, and yet somehow there are many who don’t seem to care. So why is that?
I accept folk are on holiday and don’t want to miss out, but is this fair to others…..the answer my phlegm ridden friends is………NO…..and it’s just selfish to think otherwise. At least use a hankie and sneeze away from others.
Anyway, our decision turned out to be a good one because firstly we headed for Millar’s Beach where we had a great three hours indulging in paradise beaching. Then after a quick shower and change of clothes we treated ourselves to a glorious king fish meal and many a cocktail at Hemmingway’s just outside the port. Priceless…
A final amble (stagger) around the local market and we meet a nice young lady whose accent wasn’t locally cultivated.
“You’re not a local.”
“No,” she tells us, “I moved here from Hackney four years ago.”
“Don’t you miss the ease and convenience of life back home?” we ask.
“Don’t be daft,” she laughs, “Why would I want to go back to that dump?”
Looking around the market and the town she now chose to live and call home I wondered why she would consider Hackney a dump compared to this rather unkempt and somewhat grubby area of the town. But then seeing the smile on her face and thinking about the more relaxed way of life the islanders enjoy I somehow realised she wasn’t referring to the condition of her surroundings…..I think it was more a statement of the quality of her new life compared with the old, and for a moment or two I had to completely agree with her choice.
Oh and the Catamaran trip…..apparently the sea was very rough and a lot became quite unwell with the ‘motion of the ocean and the sun up above’….or was that the real cause??????
So all in all a fortuitous decision not to go….but don’t think I’m grateful all you coughers and sneezers, I’m not.
Antigua is a great place, and I really hope the germ infested masses who trampled its boardwalks today didn’t leave too many unwanted visitors behind.
St Lucia…rollercoaster to Mamiku
16th November 2014
St Lucia…one Piton or two?
We have very fond memories of previous trips to this lush green island. It’s friendly people, beautiful vistas and pristine beaches could make the weariest of travellers find a new lease of life. We’ve already done the party catamaran to see the Pitons, taxi ride to Soufriere, the hot springs and an unforgettable trip to the Diamond Falls and botanical gardens.
This time we’ve opted for a trip out to Mamiku Gardens on the eastern coast overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. First up though is the taxi ride to get there and here is where the reference to the rollercoaster begins.
St Lucia’s roads are serious stuff and as the engine of the bus we’re in whines its protest up a virtually impossible slope there is a very strong smell of hot metal and we all start wonder if we’re going to make it to the top…….
Then we finally reach the brow of the hill and are greeted with the scariest view of the downward incline we’re about to negotiate and you can hear our fellow travellers praying the brakes work well…..or just work would be good.
Anyhow….after around forty five minutes of stomach churning up and down lurching we arrive at the entrance to the gardens which are perched on the side of a hill.
And what a treat awaited us…firstly we are introduced to our guide, a nice lady (and I mean a proper lady) who is not only the gardener responsible for the landscaping and layout of this place, but she’s also the owner.
Veronica Shingleton Smith is a gem and as she directs us around her creation she imparts her wealth of knowledge about the shrubs, trees and flowers she has grown gracefully old with. They are her babies and she will even tell you how many flowers each of them produced in past years…..incredible.
Add to that all the information she gives us about how the islanders use this vegetation to ward off or cure certain afflictions then suddenly we’re all very interested.
There are pungent leaves to infuse for headaches or gastric upsets. Tamarind which they juice to lower blood pressure, a leaf the men chew to ward off prostate problems and finally we arrive at the Noni tree.
Now there are many claims made about the health benefits of consuming the fruit of the Noni tree and the stories told by VSS would appear to endorse these theories. I will just say that I agree totally with this sweet lady’s statement that science will probably discover in the natural world the cure for just about everything.
We got to sample some of the tamarind juice along with a couple of very strong rum punches at the end of the tour, and I have to add that the couple of hours we were there flew by thanks to the very enjoyable company of Veronica.
Mamiku only ranks as #41 on Trip Advisor things to do in St Lucia…it should be higher….a really good half days tour.
Back in Castries and, yep you guessed it, it’s beer o’clock.
It’s a hot day, with a few tropical showers included for good measure, so some serious fluid replacement is required.
And that was it really…not much happened but we did have a really good visit. So once again we bid goodbye to another of our favourite islands and dream of many happy returns.
Grenada…Mt Carmel Hike
15th November 2014
Grenada…Nice n Spicey!
Last time we were here it was a Sunday and most of the town stayed shut. But not today and as the ship docked you could almost hear the surrounding area whirring and revving into action (a few crunching gears could be detected as well, but maybe that was just some of the passengers starting to move about)
Unlike Barbados this seems to be a much quieter island and although it has its fair share of cruise ships the atmosphere feels a little more ‘laid back’.
Again there a lot to do here, snorkelling, kayaking, gardening, etc, and for the not so faint of heart there is the infamous Rhum Runner trips. Loud music accompanied by lots of rum punch and limbo competitions await the party goer…and boy do they go. The rum punch would fetch the paint off the walls it’s that strong, and after one or two even the shyest octogenarian is stripping off her corset and whirling it round her head before launching herself under a limbo pole. Strange because not 20 minutes earlier she was stooped over a walking frame, I think it’s time to introduce free Caribbean rum punch on the NHS.
Then of course there are the wonderful white sandy beaches….but none of this is for us today as we have a hike in the mountains planned.
Are we mad? It’s 30 degrees in the shade with the humidity at around 80% and we’re passing up a Rhum Runner trip for a hike!!
Okay we like to try different things……so away we go.
We’re off to find Mt Carmel, the highest waterfall on the island, which according to the brochure ‘is just waiting to be discovered’. But as there is also a picture of the falls then I’m thinking someone must have already found it.
Our driver and guide, Skipper, is great company and soon has us laughing and joking despite many sudden downpours of the wet stuff.
“It may be a bit wet and slippery,” he tells us.
But boy oh boy he was so wrong because it turned out to be exceptionally drenched and more slippery than trying to walk on a sheet of glass covered in washing up liquid…in socks. The 15 minute stroll to the waterfall turns into an hour’s ascent up the north face of the Eiger….without ropes and crampons…..but we all work together and have some really great fun.
By the time we reach our destination, made more impressive by the current weather conditions, we’re all covered head to toe in caked mud. But no one has been injured (luckily) and everyone is still smiling (surprisingly) despite the knowledge that we still have to return back the way we came at some point.
And was it worth the effort…..was it ever.
The waterfall was an impressive waterfall but the sense of achievement somehow made it seem even more spectacular.
Long story short but we made it back in one piece (obviously) and after a quick shower and fresh set of clothes we headed off to explore the town of St Georges.
We climbed the steps to fort George overlooking the harbour, but alas it was closed. So we made our way down the other side of the hill to ‘The Carenage’, the old harbour/port area, principally to find a bar.
Fortunately this was a fairly easy task and we found ourselves in a very quaint place with open views across the harbour mouth. Nice food and cold beer always welcome.
We did try to find somewhere to buy a newspaper….not because we wanted to see any depressing news, but we needed something to stuff into our sodden shoes to help dry them out. But alas there were none to be found.
Ah well I don’t think we’ll be doing much hiking anytime soon!!
Great day out Grenada….with the mud and the crud and the beer.
Barbados..Far away from London and from home
14th November 2014
Oh we’re going to Barbados…in the sunny Caribbean sea
We arrive with Bridgetown bathed in glorious sunshine, the sea a beautiful turquoise blue. This is a very busy port which usually plays host to a number of cruise ships….today is no exception with us being the fifth to arrive (and we’re the smallest)
There really is so much to do and see here that it’s difficult to know exactly where to begin. Taxis are plentiful and in general are small minibus type vehicles. Mostly the drivers prefer to sell you a half or full days tour of the island and as they may only get one chance of a fare each day then this is to be expected.
Time to negotiate a price but be specific….if you want to be by yourselves then you need to mention that, or if you only want to go to a particular place then you need to be insistent. And of course this will all be reflected in the price. If you’re not bothered what you do and are looking for the cheapest deal then be prepared to wait some time as the drivers will attempt to fill every seat in their vehicle before setting off. In our experience it’s much better to pay extra and have more control over the day’s itinerary, but more importantly it’s nicer to have the extra space inside the vehicle to enjoy the day. For around $100/120 you can get a three hour tour (short but very good)
Let’s start with our favourite….Harrisons Caves.
This is an incredible underground labyrinth of wonder and well worth the visit…..and it’s lovely and cool down there. The majority of the journey is made on a train like vehicle, but plenty of stops are made for photos, and the guides will always recommend the best views. Great couple of hours worth….and did I mention it’s lovely and cool as well?
There are a few ‘gardens’ to visit which, at the right time of year, will thrill any amateur horticulturalist with some very beautiful landscaping and stunning displays of flowers….especially orchids.
Of course just a drive around the island is a magical mystery tour in itself with stunning views both out over the Atlantic Ocean to the east or the Caribbean Sea to the west. Not to mention the turbulent history of the Caribbean, and Barbados had its fair share of the conflicts and slavery etc….A good driver can bring the whole story alive if allowed to do so (maybe another good reason to go on your own as we’ve often experienced the ‘know it all tourist’ who spoils everything by never shutting up!!!!) More often than not we always seem to end up in some off the beaten track location with a rum punch in one hand and a coconut bun in the other talking to ‘momma’….priceless hospitality.
For the more adventurous there are plenty of water sports or catamaran trips to snorkel or swim with dolphins/turtles.
Then there’s the beach…..or should I say beaches. Now I’m no great lover of sand and I’ll guarantee a small grain of the stuff will never produce a pearl in me, but I do love the beaches here. This is the place the world exists in the Caribbean, it’s where the locals meet to have fun, swim, party or just try to make a living. The water is so clear and warm you have to go for a swim, or even just a paddle.
Most places you can rent a lounger and umbrella for a few (negotiated) dollars and there’s nearly always a cold beer or three close by.
Anyway, after a wonderful day enjoying the island it’s back to Bridgetown and despite it’s somewhat shabby appearance in places, it’s a friendly town with lots of the usual stuff to see. Stop and talk to the locals, buy some of the local hand-made crafts (rather than the increasing masses of imported rubbish)
Then it’s a short walk back to the port and a few ‘Banks’ beers in the bar along with a flying fish platter…..yum.
Barbados never disappoints and despite one or two showers today it keeps it’s excellent reputation well and truly intact.
Cheer’s Barbados.
Fun Fun Funchal
7th November 2014
Fun Fun Funchal, Madeira
The seas calmed down overnight and the day has dawned bright and warm for the first port of call of this trip.
The first thing to note is that the harbour and seafront has undergone some major refurbishment in the past few months. In the harbour area itself there is quite a bit of mess, with a lot of construction still taking place, but it appears the rest of the main promenade is almost completed. At the time of this visit the new garden areas are beautifully planted out, and the final clean up seems to be in progress.
So what did we do?
Well first up it was a walk to the market. The flowers, the fruit, the fish and just about everything else is fascinating. This is a veritable smorgasbord for the senses, and not necessarily all good, but we spent a good hour sampling Madeira wine, fruit punch, pineapple bananas and candied hibiscus flowers, as well as taking lots of pictures. We bought a few bits and pieces and a couple of bottles of the local hooch, so a quick trip back to the ship to unload was needed.
Then onward and upward to the fort at the end of the waterfront before climbing the hill towards the street café we attended last trip. But unfortunately many others had discovered this little gem and the tables were full (with more folk waiting to be seated) So back down into the town for a wander around.
A few church visits and many a shop window stared through and lunch (or more importantly beer) was calling. We found a nice bar with a bit of shade that overlooked a small fisherman’s chapel with a hug hibiscus tree in full flower, very pretty.
The beer was cold and good, the salad plentiful and cheep……BONUS.
Ice cream soon followed and after a stroll back to the promenade it was time to find another park side bar to watch the world pass by.
I suppose this wasn’t the most productive and exciting of port days, but we really enjoyed it and I’m sure we’ll come here for a longer holiday at some point.
Just a quick word about other things in Funchal.
The ship offered a tour of Funchal by tukxi…basically it’s a tuk-tuk with a different name. We’ve never seen these around Madeira before and they do look to be great fun. But the price for a tour was far cheaper in the port than the one offered on by the ship’s tour department, and there seemed to be plenty of them around to hire….just a thought.
And of course it goes without saying that a trip up to Monte on the cable car is a must….again it’s much cheaper independently than on a tour….and the views are fantastic. This should be followed by a sled down the hill in a large armchair, steered by a mad man and his mate on the back, but only do this if in fact you’re completely insane and have a very good life insurance policy.
I’m sorry I appear to be getting a little behind with the posts but will soon catch up……It’s just we’re having so much fun 🙂
Remember Remember
5th November 2014
Remember Remember the 5th of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot…..well lets all hope there’s no gunpowder involved, but the treason and plot wouldn’t surprise me in the least.
And what the devil, I hear you all cry, are you talking about?
Well…..I’ve already spoken about the competitiveness of this lot, but it’s definitely starting to feel like this is one of the strangest groups of people we’ve ever travelled with (to be honest it’s not the whole group and I’m sure most of them are very nice individuals) But as usual the antics of the minority tend to capture my attention, and surprisingly it seems to be some of the older ones who are taking centre stage.
Only two days in and already there have been quite a number of arguments among the assembled. Fortunately there hasn’t been any full blown ‘toe to toe’ rows, but a few little niggles and the odd spat or two have taken place. There’s definitely a smattering of Victor Meldrews around ready with a terse ‘You can’t do that’ or a less than polite ‘Do you mind?’ turn of phrase.
And what have the miscreants who are attracting these remarks done to deserve a verbal tongue lashing?
Has he/she barged through an orderly queue to reach the last of the tea cakes??? NO
Has he/she shouted obscenities throughout the show company’s moving rendition of ‘Bring him home’??? NO (but frankly they should have done)
Has he/she been caught rummaging through Mrs Smiths racey underwear in the laundrette??? NO…..have you seen Mrs Smith?
The main cause of the disputes is space, or more importantly, how someone has positioned (or is positioning) themselves within a space.
Just like any resort with a swimming pool the whole lido deck is neatly lined with closely packed chairs and sun loungers each morning ready to receive the sun worshippers. The early birds grab the best position and then proceed to clear some personal space around their chosen spot by shoving the surrounding furniture away, and like a long line of shopping trolleys the loungers scrape across the wooden deck until the one at the end hits something fixed. This is then repeated by others and the result is puddles of occupied loungers arranged randomly around the pool with the rest in a cluttered heap up one corner of the deck, resembling a traffic jam on the M25.
Now as the morning progresses more and more of the bronzed gods arrive for a session of tanning (steady now) and this is when the territorial fights break out. The late arrivals carefully untangle a piece of the discarded furniture and attempt to drag it into a free space…..but those already in position have made sure the space around them isn’t big enough to accommodate the newcomers.
And, of course, it’s not the established occupants who are being inconsiderate…….oh no, that would be a preposterous suggestion. Possession is not only 9/10th of the law it also allows the possessor of the said space to be an evil selfish bastard as well. So as you can see….this is how it all starts.
But then this situation continues into the evening because some of these space dominators take possession of a particular seat at their dinner table as well, and woe betide anyone who disrespects that. They certain don’t tolerate anyone who wishes to ‘rotate around’ their ‘table of eight’ in order to get to know their companions a little better, and it’s not unknown for the weak to be reduced to floods of tears if they even try.
Oh and if any other evidence is needed for you the reader to fully understand the type of folk who are lurking among those we share this trip with, then here it is.
There’s a small party of Germans aboard who are definitely here to have fun and enjoy themselves, just like us. Now like any gathering of friends, irrespective of nationality, they are tending to get louder as the alcohol flows. Ok, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that as this is a regular occurrence, again irrespective of nationality, on every cruise we’ve been on.
BUT there are some who are openly affronted by the behaviour of these happy Bavarians, and the fact they are laughing and joking in their own language drives them into the depths of paranoia.
So begins the huddled whispering, the pointing and a determination to be louder just to prove we Brits always know how to have the best time. They even resort to some attempted ‘Basil Fawlty’ mimicry for added effect…..
‘Vot ever you do, don’t mention ze var’
I even heard ‘How dare they’ at one point.
And I want to ask how dare they what?……..speak their own language? Have fun? Be German?
I though the saying was ‘older and wiser’ but just lately I’m not really convinced that’s necessarily right. I just hope that as I get older I don’t become that nasty and cynical.
That’s what I think (TWIT)
Race Y’all……
4th November 2014
Race Y’all!!
In a very short time one thing has become abundantly clear…….the folk on this cruise are some of the most competitive individuals I’ve ever encountered. I say individuals but it appears that some of them are working in pairs, and even as part of a team, in order to subdue and humiliate their unworthy rivals.
It all started around the lido pool this morning with the obligatory show of ‘one-upmanship’ in the innocent guise of a few t-shirts, caps and sweat shirts. These are clearly meant to demonstrate the wearers past cruising prowess and dares all comers to challenge their right to be the ‘top cruise dog’ on this trip. Usually the basic ‘I’ve been to the Seychelles’ brigade will bow to the more experienced ‘We trekked across the Atacama Desert’ mob, who in turn will humbly bend the knee to the more obscure ‘Machu Pichu by lama’ elite.
But not this time as many posed using the multiple displays from around the globe tactics in an attempt to outflank their strutting opponents, who would not yield under any circumnavigation of the world….no sir!
Anything from Europe and Australasia was dismissed without a second glance and the previously obscure trips to ‘The Real Rural China’ were now considered ‘old hat’ and literally relegated to the bottom of the bragging rights league table with ‘nil point’.
Whilst initially it was considered that ‘Whale Surfing the St Lawrence’ was a very strong contender in the early rounds, the wearer was summarily disqualified from the competition after it was discovered to be a fake.
After many a taunt and several grunts of intimidation, it came down to a direct, one round, winner takes all face off as ‘I’ve herded penguins by helicopter in the Falklands’ met ‘We tracked polar bears in Longyearben’ in the breakfast at Palm’s Café final. After much parading and swaggering the parties involved decided to call it a draw and went off together to compare notes, but in reality this was just an attempt to bore each other to death to decide the true winner.
Now that was just the start of it.
Anyway, maybe more on that another time, back to the story in hand and even more worrying was the behaviour of some of the passengers during the ‘walk a mile around the decks’ activity earlier today. Despite the member of staff, who was in charge of the event, insisting that the walk would be conducted at ‘a gentle pace’ and ‘it was all just a bit of fun’, it transpires that three of the weaker and less ambulant attendees are now receiving treatment in the medical centre for trample injuries, and apparently one poor lady is still missing.
I admit I may have slightly exaggerated the competitiveness of these situations, but trust me this ‘one-upmanship’ happens, and nowhere more so than in a tin box full of bloody-minded people. It all comes down to the fact that we the human race still retain so much of our basic animal instinct and we desperately need to prove that we’re ‘so much better than you’.
Now I can accept this trait in the young, after all it’s quite natural to want to prove yourself to be the best at that age, but in my experience the older generation are just as bad and I find it strange that those who no longer need to prove themselves work so hard to proclaim themselves as the ‘top dog’.
Instead of accepting that ‘we all do what we do the way we want to do it’ there are those who go out of their way to suggest their life has been brilliant and yours?…….well frankly it’s just not good enough.
How arrogant.
Well that’s what I think anyway!!!
All Aboard…….
3rd November 2014
All Aboard!
Embarkation was mainly good fun and trouble free as usual, only this time we were known by the few members of the crew who were wandering around the lounge selling dreams and promises (well actually they were pushing the wine, spa treatments and cream teas, but dreams and promises sounds much more exotic and holiday…ish)
Our fellow passengers look like the usual mix of the weird and wonderful, but it noticeable that there are a lot of furtive and suspicious glances being flashed in our direction……..hmmm I wonder what kind of crowd this is?
To be honest we’ve been saying that as we’ve been very fortunate with our travelling companions during the last few trips, then maybe it’s our turn to have a crappy table this time. Looking around the embarkation lounge I was really tempted to get on the phone to the folk from 106 and bribe them to hurry on down to join us…….ah well, let’s see.
The cabin is no too bad, although it’s a lot smaller than the last one despite being the same grade. But a nicer bathroom with a solid shower screen instead of the plastic curtain that sticks to you throughout your ablutions. So all good here.
Unpacking done…….check
Muster drill done…….check
Safe mastered………oh dear.
The room safe usually requires a four digit code but this one needs six, what a tricky dilemma….I’m on holiday to relax not fret about two extra bloody numbers.
In the meantime it’s dinner time….cross your fingers and hold your breath.
Well we were wrong and first impressions of our table are good, it all seemed a bit strained at times but I’m sure things will settle down after a day or two.
Ah well let’s see how things go…….and so to bed perchance to dream of white sandy beaches and balmy romantic moonlit nights…..absolutely no chance of that then.
Off to the Caribbean
Caribbean & Cuba with Freddie
3rd Nov – 7th Dec 2014
It only seems like just a few short weeks we were doing this same journey down to Southampton to head off on our latest vacation…..probably because it was only a few short weeks ago. I consider myself very lucky to be able to indulge in such wanton behaviour on a regular basis.
Anyway, there’s a slight amount of trepidation this time because we had such a fantastic time on the last cruise, accompanied by such lovely people, that it’ll be a very hard act to follow. But we’re open minded, so let’s see what fortune offer us…..
This blog only exists thanks to generous contributions from our fellow cruisers and the strange and wonderful things they do and say…….let’s hope they’re all in a very giving mood.
In the meantime, here’s my take on a little ‘sea’ related poetry:-
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
Let’s face it…that would be such a great colour for a cruise ship, it would look just like a huge ball of phlegm gliding into the harbour….such fun for the locals!
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
Messy or what? but how much money could you actually wrap up in a five pound note especially considering there’s also a jar of honey involved. Maybe not enough I reckon.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
Better known as a ukulele…….
“O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are, You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!”
Hang on a minute, has the Owl really just told a small guitar that it’s a beautiful Pussy? Go on read it again…..see I was right he ‘sang to a small guitar’ so he’s either blind or perverted.
Pussy said to the Owl, “You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
I’m not surprised with all that honey…but then Pussy must be stupid as well because she hasn’t realised that he was actually talking (singing) to the ukulele.
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?”
Now how many females do you know who would ask that question? Unless of course Pussy’s adopting the sarcastic approach having already picked out a ring and then casually walked Owl past the jeweller’s window a thousand times already to point it out. Then that previous line does suggest Pussy’s starting to get a bit desperate….Too bad my dear Pussy, he was talking to the ukulele anyway.
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-Tree grows,
This is all very apt for a trip to the Caribbean…a Bong-Tree? But surely the jeweller’s shop is in the other direction…….AND Pussy’s had to wait yet another year.
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose, His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.
This is a disaster, looks like you’ve bagged yourself a cheapskate there Pussy, oh well there’s still the five pound note!
“Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?” Said the Piggy, “I will.”
See what did I tell you?……..CHEAPSKATE!! – and the Pig should have held out for more.
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
Ah, but is the turkey licensed? And were the Banns read? It all sounds like a bit of a sham marriage to me, or just a rouse to get into your pants Pussy….
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
I really can’t think of a single thing to say about this
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon, The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.
And how much of a part did the Bong-Tree play in these celebrations?……quite a bit I would suggest…………..And is there a moral to this story?………Nah not really, it’s just a kids poem
Thank you Mr Edward Lear for the original poem.
and a little bit more :)
2nd October 2014
Sea Day – a final word about sea days!
It’s inevitable that a cruise will involve a large amount of travel across open water (obviously) and this will include a varying number of days at sea in order to reach the destination of your choice (you can tell I’ve really got the hang of this cruising malarkey)
For us though, sea days are a very important part of the cruise experience.
It is really great to explore all the new ports we visit, but for us sea days are an added bonus, something special. A chance to relax, or be active, read, write, explore the ship or just sit, as Cheryl often does, watching the ever changing motion of the ocean (‘and the sun in the sky’ for all you Hairspray the Musical lovers) hoping to catch an occasional glimpse of the wildlife as it passes us by
Now you may be surprised to learn that not everyone feels the same way as we do and for some of our fellow passengers the section of travel between ports is a living nightmare and the long journey home is worse. The sea is the enemy and the ship’s presence merely annoys it into a turbulent rage, and these mindless sheep follow suit.
Like maritime werewolves they howl and bay at the sea. It disturbs them, it hurts their eyes which redden as the mist descends. But the sea is not perturbed by their rants, nay its vast power would easily overcome and destroy them, so they turn on each other.
Patience is lost, tempers flare, a mere seed of irritation rubs quickly to a blister of immense rage, and as the ship gently rolls with the lazy swell of the ocean it seems that personal characteristics become enhanced. While the normally positive, relaxed individual becomes almost comatose, the irritating git transforms into, well you get the picture.
So with this in mind, I have a solution to deal with these obnoxicants (as you can tell this is not a real word, but it should be)
It is with great pleasure I give you……………………………….
“Toss the Tosser”
Good afternoon everybody and welcome to this ‘cruise lines’ new sea day activity “Toss the Tosser.”
Is there someone on board who is particularly obnoxious, odorous or just clearly a waste of space, then this is just the activity for you. Enjoy consequence free retribution and while away the long hours at sea by ridding the world of one annoying little git.
The rules are simple.
Between 09.00 and 10.00 on ‘Toss Day’ everyone on board gets to cast a vote and the passenger who receives the most votes becomes the designated ‘Tosser’
The Tosser is now given 10 minutes to hide somewhere on the ship. Any Tosser caught leaving the ship during the ‘hide time’ will automatically forfeit any onboard credit they have and will also waive their rights to any later rescue attempt by the crew.
At the end of the ‘hide time’ the ship’s whistle will sound, this will signal the start of the ‘Toss’ phase of the activity. The remaining passengers now have around one hour to locate the ‘Tosser’ and ‘Toss’ him or her from the ship.
Please note that only the designated ‘Tosser’ (who can be clearly identified by a high visibility waistcoat with beeping and flashing beacons) is eligible for the ‘Toss’ and anyone caught ‘Tossing’ none designated persons will be denied access to the ships dining rooms for a period of 24 hours.
If at the end of one hour the ‘Tosser’ has not been located and ‘Tossed’ they will be allowed to remain in hiding indefinitely until the remaining passengers can no longer identify them as a ‘Tosser’
Following a successful ‘Toss’ the ship’s company may ‘give a toss’ and instigate a rescue of the ‘Tosser’ but no guarantee is offered and the attempt will be solely at the discretion of Dave, the ship’s cat.
No cruise staff are to be included in the vote, search or ‘Toss’ and any passengers claiming to have mistakenly ‘Tossed’ the Captain instead of Mr Pugh of A deck will be required to pose for and purchase an entire album of pictures from the ships photographers.
Please note that this cruise line accepts no liability for any injury occurring as a direct result of this activity and passengers taking part do so at their own risk (except for the ‘Tosser’ of course)
We hope you enjoy this new and innovative activity and if you are voted for then maybe next time you cruise you may consider being a bit more pleasant to your fellow passengers, and a bit less of a ‘Tosser’.
Thank You.
Noisy but Harmless 